Haanism

Today, a colleague asked me, why are Queensland and Sydney the important places in my life?

I answered: I had my happiest time in Queensland, and had my saddest time in Sydney.

That’s how I can briefly summarize my few years at these places.

Anyway, happiest doesn’t mean I’ve never had a down moment there, whilst saddest doesn’t mean I was grieved there at all times. It’s just like, the person who can give you the utmost joy, most probably brings you the most blues too.

Important, in the sense that they made huge impact to my life, they changed my perceptions that have rooted for years. And I believe, such changes strongly affect my life since then. Why have I changed? It’s coz of the people I met, the culture around, the experience I’ve gained, the situations I was forced to face etc.

That morning, got to know that my uncle had passed away. I called home and cried over the phone in the postgraduate room, ignoring all the others who were around. I recalled the time I last talked to my uncle over a long distance phone call, while I heard his voice had slightly changed. I wanted to talk more, show my concern to him but I couldn’t control my sob and I didn’t want him to know that. That moment, I asked myself, why haven’t I talked more to him? And I’ll never ever have the chance again.

That evening, after my 8 hours flight from KL to Sydney, plus another hour catching the train from the airport to Artarmon, I was informed by the fucking Singaporean that the place I had paid deposit for, was already rented to another. With extreme tiredness and luggages, I had no place to stay!

That night, I was waiting for a late night bus in the cold winter. Due to unbearable chill, I waited at another “warmer” location. As a result, I stupidly missed the bus at late night, when all the backpackers accommodations around were already closed. When I rang Greyhound, they said it’s impossible for the driver to turn back. They could only assign me another seat for the next morning’s coach.

The entire week, after I told them I would move to Sydney, I will never forget what they had done for me. The night I left Toowoomba, my tears finally rolled down when we hugged each other and said goodbye. That’s out of everyone’s expection, including me. When I was the last going onto the coach, the oldies looked at me with smiles on their faces. “You are gonna be alright”. I could hear the sentence although nobody verbally said it.

The entire season, I suffered for hardly cured skin problem. Every forthnight, I took 1.5 hours train (one way) to Cabramatta to see the Vietnamese traditional doctor. He said my pulse was very weak, and told me, happiness is the best cure. I cooked the dark and bitter medicine for myself every night after work. Meanwhile, I had to closely watch what I ate, else I might constantly suffer from the killing-me itchiness and getting-terrible skin condition. Even when I was very tired, I had to wake up and turn off the gas, ate the medicine when it’s cooled down. Nobody was there to pamper me even a little bit.

During those times, I just tried to recall the statement which somebody has told me: “you are the most independent girl I’ve ever met”, even though, in reality, I know I’m not that strong. Sometimes, we need to lie a bit in order to keep going. Maybe he lied to me as well. Who knows?