Meeting at XL

...previous

Short Note: A quarter of 2008 is gone!! Today's the 1st time I felt like wanna shed some tears due to the work stuff. I know I can get through it. I've experienced similar moments in my life before. For me, depression breeds stronger determination and energy. I had the hardest studying year in 2004 for postgraduate courses and research, but that's the only time I could score 7/7 CGPA.

"This feeling bad about it all is not going to last that long, so try to stay strong. Life is about cycles and this is just a cycle."

Our meeting with XL was scheduled at 9:30am on 28 March 2008 (Friday). After taking breakfast and checking out the room, we caught a cab to XL.

We were with Silver Bird on the first day, then Blue Bird on the second day.

Meter starts at 5000 Rupiah (RM1.74).

A project manager who has been to Indonesia a lot of times, told me that Kartika Candra Hotel is very near to XL. I thought they are just within walking distance from each other.

I was wrong.


No matter how, I can always find way to enjoy the journey. Although it was pretty jammed, it's another opportunity for me to snap some photos :)

The buses there looked pretty old and kinda broken. Regardless of its big size, it still could do whatever it wanted. Pretty amazing ^_^

Previously, the bus was on the LHS (left hand side).

It then crossed over the divider, to the RHS (right hand side), for a smoother lane.

The people in Jakarta.

We arrived about 20 minutes later.



Then we waited for TS (sales person from Singapore) at the lobby. That's my first time meeting with him after some email correspondences.

After registration and getting the visitor pass, we went up to Level 15.

A bird eye's view of the Jakarta city from the 15th floor.

A little glass reflection spoils the image, huh!

The meeting started only at 9:50am, due to some waiting, introduction session, and I borrowed a person's PC with Internet access to send some docs completed the night before, back to company.

The meeting attendees were quite nice, not hard to deal with. They just pronounced some words a little differently from us.

YH was the main person doing the presentation whilst I helped to take minutes. Her adaptability was strong. At the beginning, she pronounced MAP (Mobile Application Part) as "mæp". Later, she followed them to say it as "mup" (the exact Malay way of pronunciation).

Because it was Friday, the meeting ended at around 11:30am, as per requested. Sometimes I really find it funny to travel all way here just for a less-than-2-hours meeting. Nonetheless, a lot of things can be clarified much easily when meeting face-to-face.

These are YH and TS, trying to get a taxi after the meeting, while I was taking the limited time to shoot the kids selling newspapers around that area.

The things I like to snap in every country include the public transports, people, market etc. Police car is one of the many.

Will the kids selling newspapers become just an adult selling newspapers, many years later?

Next

Leaving for Jakarta

...previous

On Wednesday night, I went back to hometown after work, just to get my passport. This sounds silly. However, due to previous burglary, I dare not keep anything important at the Seri Kembangan house.

On Thursday, I didn't go to office, but just came back from hometown then worked from home. In the meanwhile, packed my simple luggage. I had to get a smaller bag from hometown as well, coz what I have are all backpacks for long trips.

The Jakarta Soekarno-Hatta airport. Telkomsel promotes its roaming mobile services to roamers.

I met with YH (my senior) at KLIA. After checking in, the 2 crazy girls continued working at the airport. She enhanced the presentation slide needed for the meeting, whilst I tried to finish some leftovers of the other project, after some updated docs were sent to me.

Till the laptop batteries went flat and it's almost time to board the plane, I texted the Project Manager to tell that I couldn't finish yet, but would get it done by that night and send out.

"Kamar Kecil" which means toilet, was the first Indonesia word I learned.

It's been almost 5 years since I last flew MAS. If you ask me how is MAS, I will only tell you, they serve hard buns. Since I eat bread more than rice, my focus is always on buns - Austrian Airlines have the most delicious buns; China domestic airlines serve buns with dried radish (no butter/margarine), which seems to be quite weird for me.

The same hard bun still came to us on the day.

Near the immigration. By looking solely at the picture, I thought I arrived at Thailand!!

The flight took less than 2 hours to reach Jakarta. When we arrived and got out of the airport, it was already about 8pm there (their time is 1 hour behind Malaysia). We took a cab to the booked Kartika Chandra Hotel.

A cab itself already took away our 135K!

As usual, I prefer the front seat beside the driver, for photography purposes. However, YH's friendly reminder made me realized that it was night time. Taking any photographs from a moving vehicle would be difficult.

There was terrific jam. We spent more than an hour to reach the hotel.

We appreciated the mineral water in the room once we arrived.

After starting the job, I'm now having more knowledge about the mobile-related stuff. When I switched on my mobile on the cab and still received no signal, I told YH, it's still doing location update, it has not found an operator to log on to.

Hehe, it seems pretty childish :)

Coz YH's with Maxis whilst I'm with DiGi, we did see and compare which Indonesia operator we were attached to, how soon we received the Welcome SMS from our home operators, the contents of each, who are the roaming partners of our home operators etc. Pretty crazy... ^_^

I slightly participated in a project with this Indonesia mobile operator (Indosat) too.

After we completed the check-in procedure and proceeded to the assigned room, we had problem opening the door. I asked help from a hotel staff, and he, again, as expected, thought I'm a Malay. I emphasized to him, I'm a Malaysian Chinese!!

I've encountered such thing too many times. Already used to it. But I still would like to clarify!

Breakfast for 2 came together with the room reservation.

With his help, we knew that our speed in inserting and pulling out the card was not fast enough. That's okay. The funniest experience I had was with the West Lake Youth Hotel in Hang Zhou. I told the guy, I couldn't find anywhere to insert the card. He smiled, then showed me the way - to scan the card only.

That time, I was really quite embarrassed!!

YH tried to call TS from Singapore, whom we were going to meet up with, on the next day.

There were quite some funny things in the room, such as the maybe-will-explode power socket, two-in-one tea table, lamp without light bulb etc.

Before the guy went away, we quickly asked the question we were most concerned with - was there wireless Internet service available? The answer was NO. We then asked if there's any Starbucks nearby, and he said we need to take about 20 mins cab to reach there. We further checked the information booklet in the room, and gave up the hope.

The prices are inclusive of 21% tax - 11% government tax and 10% service charge.

Its bathroom is the type I like.

We had better finish all the pending tasks first (dinner had been taken on the flight), and most probably we would get access to Internet connection at the client's office on the next day.

There were some other engineers (our colleagues) staying at the same hotel too. However, we didn't get in touch. Not having much time for socializing :)

The mouse said, "No More Clicking!".

Around 12am, both of us finished. YH said, that's the first time she did not have to work till really late when going for overseas assignment. I was a bit shocked listening that. I thought she was going to say the opposite.

Flipping through the Room Service menu for something light.

We ordered hot chocolate. On the room service menu, it was shown to be 30K Rupiah, which means... RM10.42!! We wondered why a cup of hot chocolate could be that expensive. Nonetheless, the order was finally placed to get rid of a sleepless night due to hunger.

The ordered hot chocolate was served in jar, with sugar provided.

When the hot chocolate was served, we realized it's not a CUP but a JAR. We were also curious why a few sachets of sugar were given together. After tasting it, we knew the reason. The hot chocolate was bitter!!

While I checked the time to set alarm, I got a bit confused. I didn't adjust anything since my arrival, but the time shown on the laptop and mobile phone differed from each other. YH found the same "auto adjustment" on her mobile phone as well.

Honestly, I've never encountered that with any of my overseas traveling experiences. Luckily I had my watch for me to find out which device was having "something wrong".

I'm quite sure the mobile operator did something to the time, coz I normally have my time 10 minutes faster. They adjusted it to be 1 hour later (match with Indonesia time) and I lost my 10 mins ahead. Ignore the date. The one on my watch is always 2 days faster than actual.

We were thinking to see if the time will be adjusted automatically when we got back to Malaysia again. The answer was nope. Both of us didn't know why - is this a feature which the mobile operator can adjust the time for us?

We've gotta ask our boss about this.

Next

Newspaper Kids, Jakarta

I've never thought of visiting Indonesia. All this while, I expect the first place in Indonesia I would go is Bali. However, Jakarta has become the first.

Knew about the need to go over to Jakarta on Wednesday, flew over on Thursday, and came back on Friday. The entire trip was short and fast, and we spent only about 22.5 hours on the foreign neighboring land.

When I woke up, The Jakarta Post had been delivered to our room. I picked it up to the table, but didn't read it.

This morning, after the meeting with client, we tried to get a taxi back to hotel. While YH (my senior) and TS (the sales person from Singapore) were trying hard, I saw some kids selling newspapers around.

They seem to be having fun! Don't they?

I really don't have much impression with Jakarta, except few years ago, a friend told me that once she got off from cab, many kids came towards her to ask for money.

It was lunch time. People came out from buildings, and there were many pedestrians crossing the roads. The kids flocked to those people to sell the newspapers they held on hands.



Most of the time, people just showed a NO gesture. Nothing could be sold!

The kids did not give up, but kept repeating the same.



Once in awhile, the security guard directed them to stay further away from the entrance of building.

I was like... feeling don't know how. Really can't explain the feeling in exact sentences.


I was wondering if that is what they are supposed to do at this age?

How do they confront with selling newspapers instead of going to school for formal studies?

How long will that last for? One year, few years, or forever?


Kids should have the appropriate childhood. But who is there to define, what is the "most appropriate" kind of childhood?


I believe that they are still very innocent and naive. They are even quite happy with what they are doing. Perhaps they clearly know they do not have any other choice for a better life, then just be positive with what they are having at the moment.

When they saw me taking their photographs, they quickly posed at me! I was glad too seeing their smiles and the actions that match with their age.



They were very energetic!!

After the photo-taking session, they didn't come to me asking for money. I was thinking if I could do something to make them happier. However, at that moment I only had 2 Kopiko candies with me - not enough to please all of them.

Maybe I should have at least given him a "most attractive smile" award?


They are really cute!!!

Next

I'm Verbally Wordless

Short Note: After talking so much, I still have to go, so I'm leaving for Jakarta, together with my senior tomorrow. Just a short trip, should be back on Friday night, without having the chance to slowly walk around, take some photos, feel the place.

I've never attended "very sales-related" meeting (previous projects had got Purchase Order coming in before I took over). This would be another new experience, I think. Not having much excitement, unlike when I knew I was given the chance to go Amsterdam. Hahaha... now I know I'm also a realistic someone.

I need ten thousand times of harmony!!

This post may will surely cause anger to my friends. But I still wish to write.

Actually I've thought of saying these long ago, however I tried not to.

Yes, I like to travel, and as well doing all the preparation tasks. That's why when I go to travel agent nowadays, she will only think, I'm there to buy a travel insurance. They know I won't join any of their tours.

If you plan to do anything, such as going somewhere, living your life differently at another place, please do not come and bug me for any information. If I do not plan to go working holiday at New Zealand, I will never ever go search the relevant information. Even I did, I would not remember much details.

So, DO NOT ASK ME!!

Google it yourself!!

If you plan to go working holiday at Australia, I can tell you, Malaysians are not eligible to do that. Check out their immigration website.

Honestly, I don't wish to be a travel consultant or life planning consultant, especially when all those information are available online. If you are really interested, be like my friends Feng and Yew. They will just tell me they have got the visa and their departure dates.

Therefore, I know and am sure that they are really interested, because they put their own efforts to realize what they dream.

We are not having a same destination. Sure I won't find out about the place I'm not going.

Another thing.

Please do not ever ask me to plan for any trip, FROM NOW ON. I'm very tired and annoyed of that. I'm always asked to plan, and just serving you guys with the estimated budget and date.

First, I've to ask, is this price okay for you. If yes, then proceed to the next stage.

Is this date okay for you?

Then people will tell me, they are not sure. Then, what can I do? To pass the first stage, I've even considered all available choices that I can get from the web, put the figures into Excel and only present to them the cheapest option.

Some will tell me, they will think about it. Due to wanting cheap prices offered during the promotional period, I've to keep chasing, please get back by [a date before the promotion ends].

I really do not like doing all these begging stuff. Sometimes I'd ask myself why bother about all these trifling matters? I can just go by myself, according to my affordable budget, confronting with the uncertainties others are unwilling to accept, and I'm not scared of traveling alone.

All in all, I'm also not a rich person, I also have my own work commitments.

I'm kinda silly to do all worthless stuff then just wait for a YES/NO answer from others. If NO, then all my efforts are wasted, just like that.

I'd like to give you guys an advice here. There's nothing perfect in the world. If you want cheap stuff, sure you need to book during the promotional period. If you want truly flexible date/time, then pay more. The theory is that simple.

You guys always say, it's amazing to spend only "this" amount for the trip!! Do you actually know all my air tickets were booked long ago prior to the traveling date??

I'm definitely not a good-tempered person.

I hereby hope to tell my mum, please do not keep "advising" me not to travel alone, and ask why I do not get any travel companion. Just before departing, there are so many hassles already. I wish you can understand me. I'm not born to just do all the dangerous actions which make you worry.

What I want is just a little bit of flexibility, happiness and a trip without unnecessary fuss that can drive me crazy.

Sarcastic Working Experience

I started to work at the age of 19. This does not include the freelance jobs (before and after that age), which I was not "fixed" at any place for certain period in a day, having to report to a boss.

Today, I suddenly wonder why I'm always having extremely different boss, when I switch from one job to another. Basically it's like this:

(1) super stingy
(2) greatly open-minded, flexible, casual, appreciate his staff
(3) unimaginably dodgy (never expect, not easy to accept)
(4) extremely knowledgeable and nice

Nonetheless, I always get along very well with my colleagues. This is something which makes me quite sure that I'm an approachable someone :)


Last week, I was working on a RFI (Request For Information) together with my boss. The client wishes to have a meeting overseas this coming Friday. My boss, who is now in Pakistan (yesterday at Karachi, just arrived at Islamabad) is unable to fly over. He then requested my going-to-leave senior to attend the meeting, because my senior knows the product fairly well (something similar has been implemented in Taiwan).

Just now, he explained to me, why he made such an arrangement. Needless to say, he's afraid I might have any hard feelings.

His explanation was in time, before I meet my senior tomorrow and know it from her. It's always better to hear from the person instead of a third party. Don't you think so?

You might be wondering what are the reasons... I don't mind to tell...

He wishes to attend the meeting together with me, which allows me to learn directly from him about dealing with clients. But this time he just can't make it. My seniors did tell me before that some people from certain countries are very hard to deal with. The senior assigned has been working for years and has pretty good product knowledge. Therefore, she can definitely handle without the boss around.

This is true. I know how excellent my senior is after working with her for 0.5 year.

There are some other encounters with him that make me feel, I'm again having a nice boss. Anyway, I don't plan to list everything out here.

Apart from not being bossy (as what my seniors have said, and I've "verified" by myself), his speed is also fast. And I'd say he's kinda workaholic. Honestly I don't mind, coz all these will force fast-learning, which is something I'm always looking for.

What else can I look forward... apart from learning more, tremendously from him? I do wish I can cope with his pace.

Wish me luck :)

---

To wrap up:

About how good is my 2nd boss, maybe can share it some other time, if anyone is interested to know. I just realized that, all the bad bosses are Malaysians. The good ones, one is Irish, one is Hong Kee.

What a sad realization!!

I was urged (by unknown source) to write these as my MSN messenger tag line:
或许真的不能避免选择错误，但对曾经放弃的，我从不后悔
(translation: perhaps making a wrong choice is unavoidable, but I never regret with what I've chosen to quit or anything I've given up).

Of course, it also applies to other aspects of my life ^_^

Hill Tribe - Padaung

...previous (Hill Tribes in Northern Thai)

On the first 2 days in Chiang Mai, I did not have a chance to visit any hill tribe, except a quick one to Lisu Village, which is part of the Safari tour.



Seeing the Padaung (always known as Long Neck Karen) was one of the many TO-DOs of the trip. Therefore, I tried my best to get it done when I was in Chiang Rai. I visited 3 hill tribes as part of the day trip, and had an enjoyable photo-taking session during the visit.

The Padaung females have elongated neck. From the age of 5, they start wearing heavy metal ring necklaces.

Most of us know about the Karen people as the "long-neck" or "giraffe" tribe. Nonetheless, the women who wear these brass rings on their neck belong to a sub-group of the Karen hill tribe, known as the Padaung.


The Paduang attracts numerous visitors on account of their long-necked women. A tradition of beautifying women by adding brass rings to their necks has been preserved largely for tourism purposes.

Although the neck appears to be cruelly elongated, it is the collarbone which has been displaced. The brass rings do not actually stretch their necks. A woman generally has about twenty or more rings around her neck. The neck ring adornment is started when the females are around 5 years old.

Years after, the neck will lose its muscle tone. Therefore, if the necklace is taken off, the neck might break!

The coils would be polished daily so that they have a high sheen. The number of coils will be added whenever the females can afford it. The average weight of a coil on an adult woman's neck is about 3-5kg.


There are many different accounts of why the Padaung bizzare practice this custom. Their own mythology explains that it is done to prevent tigers from biting them. Some others reported that it is done to make the women unattractive so they are less likely to be captured by slave traders.

The most common explanation, though, is the opposite of this - that an extra-long neck is considered a sign of great beauty and wealth and that it will attract a better husband.

Most women are skilled weavers.

Adultery is said to be punished by removal of the rings. In this case, since the neck muscles will have been severely weakened by years of not supporting the neck, a woman must spend the rest of her life lying down.

In addition, the female Padaung wear blue puttees on their calves (see this image), underneath brass rings. They also wear brass rings around their arms and usually have a colored scarf.

A little girl with puttees on her calves.

The rings on the arms and legs are not as prominent as those on the neck. However, these rings are just as important. The rings on the arms are worn on the forearm from the wrist to the elbow. Those on the legs are worn from the ankles to the knees, and cloth coverings are kept over most of these rings, from the shins down to the ankles.

The Padaung wears woven v-neck tunics of various natural colours and turbans.

She was very cool. I wondered if she was unhappy?

There were something else on her wrists.

This is the interior part of where the Padaung villagers stay.

Simple. Nothing's complicated!

You know she's very young via the number of brass rings on her neck.

A senior Padaung lady. What's conveyed via her eyes and facial emotion?

Selling their handicrafts...

Another pretty girl.

Although the Padaung have migrated to Thailand much later compared to the other Karen groups, they have become the most famous hill tribe attraction for tourists.

The hill tribe trip was interesting, but these excursions are never truly authentic. If a tourist can get there easily and safely, then it's not going to be a real tribal experience.

For more photos, click here.

Next... (Akha Hill Tribe)

Kalighat Home for the Dying (1)

Short Note: Phet Hwen arrived at Sydney few days ago, and is asking me for some info. Surprisingly, I found I've forgotten quite a lot of things (particularly the name of roads). I've to search through the emails to recall Eral and Gary were my last landlords etc.

I still recommend her to stay at Chatswood or Artarmon, and if she can get a job in North Sydney, it's perfect then. I'm very willing to help. Last time, someone helped me during emergency too. I always keep that in mind. I sincerely wish her luck.

之前在这里提到关于“恋恋漂流”这本书。今天，我把它看完了。

老实说，阅读的时刻，确实会觉得自己身在另一个世界。


有时不禁会疑惑，我们每天忙碌地工作、追求越来越多的金钱、物质、荣耀、肯定，这一切是否真的那么重要？

在大多数人都这么做的当儿，跟风，是否也就变成了理所当然？

理所当然，又代表了没错和有意义吗？

还有，什么时候我会不介意放下现在的一切，去实现那个我曾经考虑过但一直没有勇气、总觉得时机未到的想法？

也惊觉，自己曾经那么地眼光短浅，把注意力从广阔的世界缩小到原来并不值得的有限范围。

幸好，那没有持续太久。

---

第68页：

喜欢阿甘的天真善良，可是，越希望自己能够那样单纯和快乐，越发现自己是如此复杂和忧郁。

青春似乎还没有燃烧过，就只剩下未老先衰的灵魂在孤芳自赏。

第70页：

几年来坚定的一切，突然有一天，我统统不想要了。只想要化作羽毛，跟着风，去旅行。

第79页：

像我这样迷恋漂流的人，若真能就此而安定下来，或许也是一种幸福吧。

第87页：

我还记得，在巴黎街头偶然瞥见的海报上写着：“在每个生命中，会有这么一刻，当你‘梦’的事，变成你‘做’的事。”那一瞬间，我仿佛看到心中暗自窃喜的秘密，被贴在街头，昭告天下。

第93页：

到底几点真的有那么重要吗？也许，多年以后回首时会发现，能够在匆匆忙忙的人生中，享受一段完全不必理会“到底几点”的日子，是多么幸福。

第96页：

记得当时有人对我说：“曾经的流浪，是幸福的；永远的流浪，是可悲的。”我却一点都不在意，身心都处于极度动荡的漂流时，很难去静思，漂流的意义。

第117页：

生命中的每一次相聚与离别，乃至生命中的每一刻，都是只此一次的，永远不会有重复、永远不会再来一次的。如果未能以“唯一”的心情来珍惜每一个相聚与离别，再多的相聚与离别都将不会有意义。

第154页：

世间之财都是聚散不由人的。得之，我幸；不得，我命。


第156页：

似乎从最初，垂死者之家就是为了道别而存在的；修女、志工、病人，每一个人，来到这里似乎都是为了学会，微笑着说“再见”。

第165页：

德蕾莎修女常说：“疾病，不知是肺痨与痲疯，还有被遗忘和唾弃；饥饿，不单是为了食物，更是为了挚情；干渴，不仅是对饮水的渴求，更是对和平的渴望；赤裸，并非衣不蔽体，更因失去尊严；无家，不啻是少了屋瓦遮顶，更是少了关怀与谅解。”

第168页：

写到这里，突然感慨，完全不求回报的付出，真的很难很难。理性上，我并不求女士们的任何回报；但感性上，他们对于我的付出，接受或不接受，欢喜或延误，却或多或少会影响我的情绪。

第185页：

漫长的艰辛的，身的流浪，只是为了寻找当下的宁静的，心的安定。

生命中值得况味的喜悦，并不在哪一个某时某地，而是在每一个此时此地。生命中的每一个个当下，即使永恒。

也许，要明白生命中所有最简单的道理，都是要经过一次又一次的境界考验，才能深刻的。

第207页：

在印度两年半，这张证书算是对家人亲友的一种交待；而真正的收获，只有自己最清楚。在国际大学学到的，远远不及垂死者之家这所人间大学。

第218页：

德蕾莎修女常说："We can do no great things, only small things with great love." （生命中并没有所谓的大事，只有以大爱做的小事。）

---

作者那些完全旷课、只在垂死者之家当志工、学期末才回校考试（竟然也能及格），以及每天来回罗马和维也纳（为了火车上的免费住宿）的旅游经验，很难在这里一一叙述。

在第161页，她写道：

“午夜，我一个人蹲在错误的月台，静静地哭了。最危险最艰难最辛苦的时候，都没有哭过，只是坐过站罢了，为什么要哭呢？”

这让我想起大约两年前在悉尼国际机场的火车站，我匆匆赶下楼，却只能看着火车离开而自己赶不上的时候。泪水，在那时也是毫无原因地夺眶而出。

曾有一个50余岁的志工跟叶心慧说，她还那么年轻，总不能一直留在垂死者之家，应该要替未来计划。

这令我再次提问，什么时候才最适合？

毕竟有些事情，若在比较年轻的时候经历，那较早的看透，确实可以完全改变此后的人生。

~ 照片摄于泰国清莱。

One Year

On the way back today, it was dark, and raining heavily.

Though tired, my brain was still active.

Suddenly I realized that it has been 1 year, since the place I stay in Seri Kembangan was broken in by thieves, and I lost my DSLR and laptop all in one shot.

I could remember the day, very clearly.

That day, Chia and I both wore green T-shirts to work. When I received the call from my housemate, I was happily chatting at his place, and Reno was trying to comb my hair in his suggested style. Then I heard my phone rang...

My mood changed drastically thereafter. People came around, asking me not to think too negatively, and urged me to go home immediately. However, my worst expectations all came true.


On the day, someone called me for the first time. Someone else, texted me for the first time, too.

I thought the bad incident was just another starting point of my relationship with some others around my daily life, whom I've neglected. It allowed us to give the bond a start, followed by more opportunities to breed it.

Yeah, it did happen, but just did not last long.

Come and go, all took place fast. Once, I used to even "appreciate" the burglary, for tying us together.

How stupid I was.

During the day of 21 March last year, I never expected the extremely opposite thing will be resulted today.

Just now, I read the latest post of Siu Han. All the mistakes I made were clearly written.

Sometimes I feel shamed of myself, but I try not to.

It's however, better to learn the lesson early than late.

I hope that on the same day of next year, I'm writing something more meaningful.

Kalighat Home for the Dying

今天难得放假。

早上和老板聊了几句（香港没放假），原本打算还是如往常一头栽进工作里头，但内心却有一股很强烈的欲望想阅读一些“课外读物”。所以，最后还是看了韦亦推荐并把书借给我的“恋恋漂流”。


只看了60多页，还没看完。进度很慢，因为我一边读，一边摘录，而且也不是整天都在家。

书的作者是叶心慧，一个在14岁那年的一个早晨，突然觉得自己不想去上学，然后跟父亲说，也没遭责备的女生。没去学校，就只在家里看自己喜欢看的书。

她的文笔很好。很多的用词对我来说都很陌生。25岁的时候，她已经走完了55个国家。

那年，她采访《经典》杂志的总编辑王志宏。由于她拥有在德蕾莎修女的“垂死者之家”当志工长达20个月的经验，后来被王志宏邀请她把经历化成文字，所以就有了这本书。

读得慢，除了因为摘录，也因为被本书的内容所震撼、感动。

“恋恋漂流”于2005年由《经典》杂志出版。如今是否可以在书局找到，我不知道。

还有，很重要的一点忘了说：作者叶心慧是马来西亚华裔。


不必多说也会猜到，我又要在这里分享我所摘录的文字。

---

第8页：

那一片落叶漂流与浩瀚时空长流的意境，在我脑海中翻滚，滚出无限惆怅波澜。在人生伊始的青涩岁月里，我仿佛看见了过去与未来生生世世无数、无奈的漂流。

身，随着不可思议的因缘，不由自主地漂流。

第9页：

流浪太久，越来越明白，留下安住比继续流浪需要更多的勇气。

第11页：

总是一次一次地，追求生命中的不确定，直到发现完全迷失了，直到彷徨无助与坚勇无惧的感觉交织，再往直觉对的方面拼命游去，然后品味终于看到岸时那种完全自己的喜悦。

漂流时，也许是无法看清漂流的。

一次次追求漂流，一次次寻找方向，再一次次游向海岸...心灵的海岸，愈来愈清晰。

第20页：

喜欢生命中这样的恬静阶段，穿越周遭的纷纭嬉笑，片叶不沾身。

第21页：

沉静是自然的，是性格使然的；为了合群、结缘而说话，都是需要努力与使劲的。

也许，人生总有一个又一个动极思静、静极思动的阶段。冷清了许久，就会想热闹一番；聒噪了一刻，又会想沉默一阵。

第26页：

战争，不管在咫尺或天涯，感觉都不是恐惧，只有无奈与悲哀。

越过宗教藩篱的温柔与祥和，像穿过窗户、映染全室的夕阳那样，无限美好。

第37页：

对于一个不停漂泊的人来说，生命中每个地方都似驿站，每个人都像过客，不太懂得什么叫“人言可畏”。

第46页：

就算那里有狂风巨浪在等候，还是想到大海去瞧一瞧、闯一闯。


第55页：

交流会中，当大家询及“为什么在全世界都很少看到华人当志工？”我却哑口无言。我不知道，到底是中华民族的能力不足？或是care的观念太浅？还是因为自身苦难太多，自顾不暇？

第60页：

不管腹背受敌、四面楚歌还是十面埋伏，身经百战的他仿佛都能兵来将挡，水来土堰，出奇制胜。但我却不能。

我只能趁修女和志工都在楼下参加弥撒时，才独自上屋顶把凌乱的衣物铺好；只能在燎原之火平息以后，才有勇气回到折戟沉沙的战地。仿佛不愿意破坏和平契约似地维持沉默。

选择逃避、选择沉默，难道是因为我不够关心？

第63页：

垂死者之家存在的意义，就像一滴水、一根火柴、一片枯叶，那么小，又那么大。

第64页：

德蕾莎修女说：“穷人是很伟大的，他们能教我们很多美好的事情。他们教我们去爱。”

真的很多很多。一件件美好的事情把我的心塞得满满的。

对垂死者之家的牵挂，日积月累越来越深，每天晚上回家前都非常依依不舍。可惜志工不能在晚间工作，否则的话，真想留下来值夜班。是的，我每天都没有赶着回家的问题。我只有赖着不想走的问题。

第67页：

我带着物欲横流的社会习气与价值观，衡量事件的多与寡、苦与乐；却一再窥见这城市里身上一无所有的人，内心是多富有。

---

暂时先分享到这里，希望我可以尽快把书看完。不是因为单纯地想快，而是很想知道里头更多的故事。

曾经也有想过，或许在我人生的那一段时刻，也应该去当义工，回馈社会，尤其是为需要帮助的一群。目前为止，还不晓得这会在什么时候发生。

看这本书，我也更加认识印度。

最后，说些题外话：刚才去谷哥，看到以下的新设计。


很喜欢，因为里头有红花、黄花。把滑鼠移过去，才知道这是配合北半球的“春季第一天”而设。

四季里头，我最喜欢的，就是春天！

明天是复活日。当年在澳洲生活时，最喜欢就是这个时候，因为最少有四天假，而且又会收到他人送的巧克力复活蛋。

如今，一切已成往事。

下一篇

Hill Tribes, Northern Thailand

Short Note: One year ago, I went to Sg Lembing together with high school mates. Guan Loo visited the place last weekend. They had a tour guide to bring them around, hence visiting more places than us, though still failed to go to the Rainbow Waterfall. Read his write up of the 1st and 2nd days.

Northern Thailand is the home to interesting and colourful ethnic minorities, known as the hill tribes.


Hill tribes live in the remote upland areas of Thailand, shying themselves away from the outside world. They migrated into northern Thailand during the past 100 years from the Asian interior, and are considered the most disadvantaged groups of the country.


There are seven broad hill tribe groupings: Karen, Lahu, Hmong, Lisu, Akha, Mien. For each of these, there are sub-categories and clans. Each hill tribe has its own language, customs, dress and spiritual beliefs. Their traditional ways of living are largely preserved, making them a fascinating cultural study.


Karen is the largest tribal group (more than 40%), followed by Hmong and Lahu. Chiang Mai has the largest hill tribe population in Thailand.

Nowadays, hill tribes earn their living via agriculture activities, household-based handicraft production and wage employment. In the past, their major source of income used to be opium cultivation, which was later substituted with other cash crops, such as cabbages and fruits, under the implementation of Royal project, by his Highness King Rama IX.

The three principal forms of land use practised in subsistence farming include pioneer swidden agriculture, land rotation and wet (paddy) rice.


There are several issues that the hill tribes are facing:

1. Citizenship
   
   
   • They have limited access to Thai citizenship. As such, their legal status fluctuates between “naturalized”, “alien” and “illegal”. Although majority of the first generation hill tribes have obtained Thai identification, the Ministry of Interior is cautious about granting Thai identity to newly immigrated hill tribes, due to their alleged involvement in drug trafficking.
   
   
   • Lack of sense of national identity due to their own distinctive linguistic and cultural background.
   
   
   
   


2. Poverty
   
   
   • Lack of opportunities for systematic skill development, infrastructure, income and employment.
   
   
   • Production inputs are limited due to the lack access to basic social services, e.g. education, health etc.
   
   
   


3. Land Settlement
   
   
   • Land settlement is delayed due to their traditional way of living in small communities and frequent migration.
   
   

In the meantime, when more of them conform to the mainstream Thai society, they may lose their indigenous customs and languages. The traditional values and beliefs will be breaking apart, and they finally lose their identity.

There is always a dilemma between development and preservation. We never know, which is the best way to go.

Next... (Padaung Hill Tribe)

Illogical Logic

9:30pm - Still waiting for my boss to send me something, then continue to work. The deadline of the yet-to-start-writing proposal is 4pm tomorrow. Have a meeting out of office tomorrow morning till noon. Just now he told me, don't be too tough to yourself. Honestly, I also don't know how to achieve that.


那天去扫墓（很多年没去了），遇到了一些平时没什么见面的亲戚。

见到他们，没有什么太特别的感觉。只知道他们的身份、辈份，彼此并不熟悉。

等待着的时候，听到一段可笑的对话。

一个是婶婶（对她没什么好感，主要是他们那天迟到，要大伙儿痴痴地等，所以我有点火），一个是不懂多少年没有见过的堂哥（我只大概记得他们兄弟的名字）。

婶婶：你是老三哦？
堂哥：不是，我是老二，他（指着他的弟弟）才是老三。

[老三的颓废形象，确实令他看起来比较年长，反之老二就比较白白净净]

婶婶：你在哪里工作啊？
堂哥：沙亚南。
婶婶：做什么工？
堂哥：关于手术方面的研究。
婶婶：工钱一定很好咯？
堂哥：还可以。
婶婶：有没有女朋友？
堂哥：没有。
婶婶：没有女朋友？那么老实啊！
堂哥：（无言...）

我在一旁，不是特地偷听，却把每一句都“吸收”了。

幸好没有忍不住笑出来。

什么时候开始，没有女朋友等于老实？老实？为什么说“老实”？是错误的用词吗？

别人说没有，是现在没有，不代表不曾有过，或将来不会有。

所以呢，最令人害怕的，就是这种安娣的问题及不合逻辑、令人想不通的“结论”。

答，后果就是如此；不答，人家说你没家教。

如果没有女朋友就是老实，那对于她自己有个当未婚妈妈的女儿，最恰当的形容词，又是什么呢?

Siu Han's Blog (4)

这一篇超过一大半都不属于我的文章，也储存了很久。

每次看小娴的文字，都会马上把喜欢的部分摘录下来。除了和大家分享，自己时不时重看也会有所领悟。所谓的“温故知新”，就是这个意思。

明天，3月17日，CP就会飞到英国，展开他充满未知数的新生活。

昨天，问一位认识了13年的朋友，什么时候过去杜拜工作，她说这个月尾（3月31日）就飞去。华人新年时她告诉我这个消息，令我心里突然泛起难以诠释的情绪。

基本上我并不担心她，因为她是个独立的女生，而且也不是一个人单枪匹马去。只是觉得大家又要分隔两地，而且想到当初我毅然回来大马的其中一个原因，就是希望多和老朋友相处，到现在，我也不晓得在这方面我做得有多好。

今天是枫的生日，可是这一刻她却身在越南。

科技的发达，让世界变得越来越小。大家来来去去，好像也只是距离上的改变而已。要保持联络、要每天聊天根本不是问题。就只是分离的那一刻，我们会觉得好像失去了什么。过后，一切又似乎从来没有改变过。

分离，自古以来给人的印象就是伤感的。

这也是我很害怕别人给我送机的原因。载我到机场就好了，不要看着我走。

对于这些即将离开大马的朋友，我希望他们在新的环境里头一切安好，可以好好去体验、得到他们想追求的东西。

每个人都为自己、为生活而奋斗。在一起，就变成了一种小小的奢侈。但我一直都相信，不在一起，也可以把关系处理得很好。

我真的如此认为。你呢？

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年輕多麼傻

要是可以從頭來過，你還是會希望年輕，不過卻要把那時候的錯誤一一刪掉。

年輕就是會高估了愛情的壽命。

多麼的天真啊！那時候竟然以為愛情可以永遠，以為會跟一個人地老天荒，竟然不知道愛情的本質是短命的，虛渺的。對方會變，你也會變。


年輕就是不懂說不。

為了討好你愛的那個人，做他想你做的事，以為這就是愛。因為害怕失去，甚至不敢說出自己的想法。

年輕就是會短視，沒想過將來有一天，一切都會不一樣，你會對今天做過的事和說過的話感到悔恨。

年輕就是會錯愛。

愛上一個人，以為他愛你，以為沒有了他就活不成，以為這就是愛。原來，他一點都不值得。他甚至不愛你。

年輕就是會相信美麗的謊言，像小孩子愛上糖果。

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女朋友是．．．．．．

女朋友是：要來自找麻煩的。有的時候，你覺得沒有自由。沒有的時候，你發現這樣的自由有點蒼白。

女朋友是：你不想她跟別人結婚，可她想你跟她結婚的時候，你卻又會害怕。

女朋友是：她把最多的思念留給你，你卻害她流最多的眼淚。

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男朋友是．．．．．．

男朋友是：良心發現的時候要來珍惜的。有時候，你望著他，會想想自己到底交上什麼好運，會遇上他，會有他這麼愛你。不過，只是「有時候」，其他時候，尤其是生氣和吵架的時候，你會忘了。

男朋友是：你愛他比任何人要多，你有時候卻又好像恨他比任何人都要多。

男朋友是：你把最多的思念留給他，也把最多的眼淚留給他。

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愛欲裡的藝術家

我只知道，我沒有藝術家的天資，有的只是藝術家的悲哀，譬如這些：
老是想要拋棄昨天的自己。
老是追求一些現實世界裡不存在的東西。
喜歡捨易取難，跟自己過不去。
明知道世上沒有完美，還是固執地追求完美。
永遠不滿足於現狀，總以為更美好的生活在他方。

我們每一個人，其實都有一點藝術家的個性。
誠如卡繆說：「在人心孤明之處，總還會保有些許的狂放。我們內心為自我放逐，犯罪與荒廢都預留了一片天地。」

當我們愛上一個人，我們是變得更好，還是更接近我們原始的本性？
愛使人膨脹為神，也使人淪落成魔。
當我愛的時候，我好像擁有這世上的一切，我可以對我所愛的人偉大得連我自己都不敢相信。
然而，愛欲裡面，難道沒有一點魔性嗎？

為什麼我會毫不掩飾我的恨？
而當我做了這一切，當我傷透了一個人的心之後，我卻希望他是上帝，不管我做過什麼，仍然愛我？
我到底是不是瘋了？是不是活在現實裡？還是我以為自己是個狂放但可愛的藝術家？
也許，我們不是神，也不是魔，只是愛欲裡一個半吊子的藝術家，永遠在追逐一些世上沒有的東西。

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三個願望

誰說新年一定要開心？

新年應該是：我想開心就開心，但我也有不開心的權利。

年輕的可愛和年輕的天真稚拙原來是一樣的，就是會相信男人的承諾。

我希望我依然會相信願望。

因為，即使只是擁有一個小小的願望，也會使人感到幸福。

我希望我依然相信愛情。

只有相信，才會甜蜜&#